Looking Away
by ShadowOfSelfDestruction
Summary: Atem is a tyrannous pharaoh hated throughout Egypt. One day, Yugi is snatched away from his mother together with other boys to be selected by the pharaoh for pleasuring. As their relationship starts off in anguish and hatred, Yugi comes to understand the turmoil in which the pharaoh lives.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Looking Away**

 **Summary:** Atem is a tyrannous pharaoh hated throughout Egypt. One day, Yugi is snatched away from his mother together with other boys to be selected by the pharaoh for pleasuring. As their relationship starts off in anguish and hatred, Yugi comes to understand the turmoil in which the pharaoh lives.

 **Warning:** a bunch of violence, rape on several occasions, angst, depression, … not for the light-hearted, yaoi (boyxboy)

 **Chapter 1: turmoil**

Yugi peeked between the gap of the closet in which his mother told him to hide. He trembled in an uncontrollable fear but nevertheless tried to control his breathing. It happened every so often in the city of Tanis, but he would never get used to it. Every time it happened, his mother told him to hide in the closet and not make a sound. Usually, she would then wait in the same room with a creaked door through which she lurked outside. Sometimes, guards from the royal palace came in, sometimes they didn't. When they did, all Yugi could think was that he had to pretend he was dead in order to survive.

"Get back here you filthy brat!"

Outside, mothers were yelling and children were crying. Boys around the age of twelve were snatched from their mothers' loving embrace and thrown on the carriage where another guard cuffed their wrists with a rope. They collected about ten boys every month or two and then took them to the royal palace, but they never returned. No one knew what happened to him, and several rumours spread across the city that the pharaoh murdered them for pleasure, used them to practice witchcraft, rape them or train them as child-soldiers for his army. No one really knew the truth, but everyone was wise enough to hide their children and never find out. Yugi's mother had managed to hide her son long enough for him to now be fourteen, so even if the guards would find him, they might let him go considering his age. And yet there was one problem.

Yugi had gorgeous violet eyes. He had a rare pale skin because his mother never let him outside as a way of protection. He was slender and elegant, perfectly angled in his face and shining, wild-growing hair with blonde bangs framing his face. He wasn't really tall, not that it bothered his beauty, but it could make one think he was younger then he actually was. That's why his mother was so protective over him, he was too beautiful.

Yugi pierced his eyes shut when a guard ran over the door and his mother fell down. He held his breath as not to yell when a second guard grabbed her by her dress and shook her violently while yelling in her face. The other one paced down the house to check every room in the shack, but no one else was there.

"YOUR NEIGHBOURS TOLD US YOU HAD A SON, NOW WHERE IS HE!" The soldier demanded and ripped of a part of her dress. Yugi watched in agony as he spread her legs and forced himself in between, his mother yelling and crying while trying to push him off, but the other guard grabbed her arms and pinned her down.

Behind them, the door to a closet swung open and a boy jumped out, hurrying to his mother to kick off the man who was assaulting her. As he screamed his battle cry, the guard picked him up without much effort and Yugi continued the kicking while being lifted in the air.

"The pharaoh will like this one."

"Take him to the carriage."

Fortunately, they had stopped and let go of his mother, instead focusing their attention on their newly recruited catch.

"NO! YUGI!"

Yugi reached out for his mother's hand whom had followed the two guards outside, stumbling on her feet but desperate to retrieve her son. She cried out her son's name before being pushed to the ground, watching as her child was put next to other boys his age in the carriage.

"PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T TAKE HIM! YUGI!"

"MAMA!"

With a strict whip, the horses began trotting towards the palace, taking with them the stolen children from the crying mothers around it. Yugi watched with tears in his eyes as his mother yelled out his name over and over and grew smaller and smaller with every step they took. Around him, children only slightly younger then him were crying hysterically as a guard told them to shut up. Everything was chaotic, and Yugi flinched when one of the boys was thrown into the river because he was screaming too loud. He stared frantic at the boy they were driving away from, drowning in the water.

*...*

"On your knees!" Two guards yelled and stroke with their whips. Eight boys, including Yugi, were lined up next to each other, their hands tied together behind their backs, in what appeared to be some sort of throne room in a palace. Yugi didn't know where exactly they were because they had covered their faces with linen sacks before their arrival. He hissed when a guard whipped his back again while running down the line to ensure all the boys sat straight. Most of them had stopped crying, the fear having now completely taken over. They didn't know what was going to happen to him.

The loud opening of a door broke the sobbing silence of the room, and it closed immediately after. Yugi tried to see what was going on, but couldn't look up or the guards would hit him again. All he saw was the trampling of feet around the room. They all wore shoes, which is already an exception as it is because no one in the part of the city where he lived did, but one pair caught his attention most. The legs were covered in golden ornaments and the shoes looked more expensive. They clacked around the room, to the start of the line of children, greeted by a soldier.

"The boys, my King."

The man he addressed didn't bother to answer, instead, it walked straight toward Yugi. Afraid, Yugi shifted his gaze to the ground. His body stiffened when the same golden-clad legs halted right in front of him.

A hand snatched his face up by his chin, and Yugi looked back in dreadful blood-shed eyes. He began trembling uncontrollably as the hand titled his face to the side in an inconsiderate manner, unsure if he should look back at the figure.

"Rise."

Hesitantly, Yugi got on his feet and shakily stood in front of the ominous figure who stood dangerously close next to him.

"Look at me."

Granting the demand, Yugi returned the glare he received from the man in front of him. His dark red eyes had deepened and grown bigger as it seemed, while he grinned back venomously. Yugi watched intently while the man in front of him checked him out, his eyes feasting over every corner of his body, resting at his face and staring back at his eyes which made Yugi feel uncomfortable. He felt like the man was undressing him with his eyes, and the stares were everything but pleasant.

"Where did you find this one?" The man asked no one in particular, keeping his eyes on the specimen in front of him. Yugi noticed how indulging his voice was but kept his senses sharp nonetheless. The man was dressed in a silken white robe with several golden ornaments around his hip, neck and arms. On his forehead, a golden eye rested and waved behind in wings that brushed back the sides of untamable hair.

"His mother had apparently been hiding him in the house ever since he was born. The neighbours told us they had never seen him until recently, by accident."

"I see."

Yugi shriveled at the touch, fighting back the urge to cry when the man touched his cheek, caressing it with the back of his hand. He indulged every frantic move and sound the boy in front of him made, purring happily at how innocent and pure the boy seemed. Yugi tried hard to evade his eyes, even if the man told him to look at him, there was but an unpresent gaze in his eyes that betrayed fear.

"Get him ready."

With that said, the gold-clad man turned on his heels and released his grip on the boy, trotting away in a pace followed by two guards. As Yugi released a heavy breath he had been holding in, two maids grabbed him and dragged him along the room. The short moment in which Yugi had allowed himself to relax was soon replaced with reborn panic. He was dragged to a different room, unbeknownst of what would happen to him from here on out.

Once inside, the two women made no attempt to comfort the frightened boy and began undressing him as if they'd done it so many times before. They pushed him in a container of water perfumed with different herbs like lavender and lemon grass while washing his body and hair. The whole ordeal was estranged and unpleasant. They were careless and inconsiderate in their movements, their touches rough and unbothered. They raised his arms while washing him, slightly pulled his hair and spread his legs heedlessly to clean every part of the boy as quickly as possible, then dragged him back out in frantic movements and began drying him off, pulled clothes over his head and grabbed his arms and legs to cover every naked part of his body with gold and jewelry. And when they were ready, Yugi was pushed through the door inside what seemed like a bedroom, as if being thrown in the lion's den.

Unaware of where he was, there was one thing Yugi was certain of: he was amongst royalty. Yet he didn't know if he was surrounded by but a third-rank priest or the actual real deal, the pharaoh. If it was indeed the pharaoh, he was certain to face death sooner or later. Not one boy from his slave village had returned alive. Sometimes they brought back the body for the family to mourn, sometimes none was said and the people never talked about it, pretending it had never happened. Either way, Yugi's death was already determined.

He was scared and yet, took the liberty of skimming through the room and suck in every detail of it, searching for anything that might help him to his path of escape. The room was large, about the surface of 10 puny houses in his slave village. It was decorated with ancient mythology about their land painted at the top of pillars and walls, finished off with golden details in floral patterns. The entire left wall was open and held up by about five broad columns, leading to a tall balcony with a splendid view over the gardens. And in the middle there stood a large, king-sized bed with pillars and curtains draped around it. It appealed to Yugi, he had never slept in a bed like that, the only thing he had back home was a pile of hay with a ragged blanket covering it up. He was allured by the appearance of the room radiating royalty, and yet he could not find anything to help him break out of this place. The only thing he could come up with was jumping off the balcony leading to a certain death, but he wasn't ready to welcome that thought yet. So he sat on the side of the bed and waited for whatever doom was about to fall on his shoulders, holding the pillar at the foot of the bed in an attempt to grab onto something, wishing it was his mother he was holding. Shrieking cries pierced his eyes and allowed him to escape his tears over the loss of his mother, never to see her again. This was it, he would die here, and no one could help him, not even the gods.

It was only as darkness turned to the land of the sun that there was finally movement around the empty room Yugi was waiting in. He looked up when the door opened, revealing the beauty of the man he had seen more recently that day. He looked tired and retreated, followed by three maids of which two Yugi recognized as the women whom had dressed him. They followed their master in the room and began taking off every jewelry cladding the man's body: his bracelets, his earrings, his crown, everything, until nothing was left but the virgin white robe he wore made of the finest silk. Yugi stood from afar, his face in awe while watching every movement behind the pillar with which he hid himself, doubtful about what to do. As the maids finished, the man stepped aside and walked towards him, Yugi hiding away behind the bed's poster in an attempt to protect himself. His meek face was curved wryly in fear, and the man yanked it towards him to take a better look at it. He admired the beauty of the young boy, but the straight line from his lips curled downwards as he frowned ferociously.

"How many times have I told you not to put on all that crap?!"

Aggressively, he yanked Yugi's arm and pulled off the golden bracelet, only to throw it towards one of the maids who was still present in the room. She writhed in pain as the cold metal hit her head and protected herself by holding her arms in front of her as he kept throwing one item after the other in her face.

"Get out!"

The maid ran outside, and Yugi chucked uncomfortably. He was now also only wearing the robe the maids had given him and, even if he was still fully clothed except for the golden jewels, felt naked. A shiver ran through his spine when the man fixed his gaze back to him and continued the gaping and undressing with his eyes. Yugi's face frowned in apprehension. The man had a teasing expression on his face that almost mocked him. Yugi fell back on the bed and breathed faster as the man crawled on top of him, smirking while his face gazed above Yugi's at an arm-spread distance.

"What do the people in your village say about me?"

Tentatively, he leaned in closer and breathed in the smell of Yugi's freshly-washed skin, making Yugi visually shiver in fear. He hesitantly touched the man's chest and in a pathetic attempt pushed him off with poor strength. As a return, the man above his grinned wickedly and turned his eyes to lock them with his violet ones.

"That I kill little children for fun? Or something else?"

Yugi was dumbstruck. Reality sunk in that the stranger toying with him was indeed the pharaoh, a visual nightmare coming true. He couldn't bring himself to answer, too busy worrying what was going to happen to him, afraid that, if he would answer with the truth, it would only coax the pharaoh further.

"I asked you a question, slave."

The tanned man's fingers pierced in Yugi's cheeks, forcing his mouth slightly open to submit him into talking. Yugi shook his head but his hand was tightly grabbing him.

"Witchcraft," he blurted out before the pharaoh finally let go. "The army," he then continued, seeing as how the man obviously eyed him for more answers. "And... rape." The last part was rather a whisper then an answer, but it seemed to amuse the pharaoh as he started laughing like a psychopath.

"Witchcraft? I haven't heard that one before! Interesting." As the laughing diminished, the wicked smile ever so present, his hand brushed through Yugi's tricoloured hair which was surprisingly soft for a slave's, and it pleased the pharaoh. "Which one do you think is true?"

Yugi hesitated. He wasn't sure if perhaps this was but a mere test the King put him through to play with his mind. "Murder," he answered, biting his bottom lip when the weight of the man's body plopped down on him heavily. He was having a hard time breathing, may it be from the weight or the panic, but tears managed to escape his eyes again.

"Ah, sorry to disappoint you," he grinned. His face was now buried in the boy's neck, the heat of his breath burning on the pink skin. He licked his lips hungrily when another shiver ran through the body below him. Viciously, he pierced his teeth in the virgin skin, pinning down the spasming body underneath that quivered violently and squealed in pain like a little girl. Yugi tried to shake him off by twitching his body in every possible direction, desperate to take control of the situation, but his body was too weak and fragile to ever hope overcoming the Pharaoh's. He cried uncontrollably with every unholy touch the man held him, his hands sliding from his chest to his hips which he arched closer towards his own pelvis. With a gruesome smile, he lifted up the dress of the boy underneath him and forced his legs in between, spreading the child's brutally. In the moment where both the man's arms tried to force open his legs, Yugi shot up his back, his fist ready to strike the other man's face, but it was blocked by his own sturdy hand.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

From underneath the mattress, he revealed a small dagger with sharp point that he rested against Yugi's neck. Drops of sweat formed on Yugi's forehead, fixedly watching the blade next to him. The Pharaoh had no intention of using the knife, at least not on any visible part of Yugi's milky skin. He thought the boy too angelic to harm the beauty of his body, but that didn't mean he couldn't threaten him with it.

With a strong swing, he trapped the blade in the wooden poster of the bed above his head so that Yugi couldn't reach it. Once that was over, his venomous smile returned desperate to continue the game of cruelty. He pulled higher his own robe and settled in between Yugi's legs, one hand holding his hips while the other pinned Yugi's hands above his head. Even while trying to get loose now, Yugi was unable to move a muscle and all he could do was kick the air frantically with his feet. His head swung back in pain when he felt something nudge his entrance and then penetrate him barbarically. Tears swelled in his eyes and shed sidewards as he titled his head to look away with tightly closed eyes. He tried no to think about what was happening to him, but the pain was so strong that it always drove him back to reality. He cried out loud when the man pulled out again, only to push himself right back in at inconsiderate speed, his nails piercing the soft skin of his hips to draw them closer. The man's moans sounded disgusting in Yugi's ears but it was all he could hear except for the creaking of the bed in which he was being raped. With the little strength he had, he kicked and stumped his feet desperately for this torture to end, but to no avail. He felt his own body succumb and give up, wishing for it to be over as quickly as possible, for the Pharaoh to fulfill his hunger and finish his practices so that the pain at least would stop. Yugi screamed and cried thrust after violent thrust, rolling away his face when the Pharaoh's came closer to devour his neck. The moans the tanned man made in pleasure were muffled in Yugi's throat. He released a satisfied sound every time he pushed back in and felt the tightness around him suck him deeper due to the natural reaction of the boy's body to drive him out. His cries of pain and distress were arousing and it drove him to a sexual instinct that was desperate to be pleased. This boy underneath his was gorgeous, pure, divine, a virgin at that deprived of his innocence by Atem's selfishness. He groaned beastly when the first rushes of climax jolted through his body, exiting it through the source of his pleasure inside of Yugi. The boy cried in agony as he felt the burning seed enter his body and coat every inch of his inside. The Pharaoh pumped in a few more rounds, riding out his orgasm as some of the seamen leaked out but continued none the less. The sight he beheld was cherubic: the boy lying underneath him, defeated, panting heavily and eyes delirious from abuse. He could go for another round, after all he was still hard, so he decided not to be bothered about it and did. His quick pace in thrusting from before continued, forcing every inch of his still hard cock inside for him to indulge into further pleasure. Yugi spread his eyes in agony. He had hoped that, after coming, the Pharaoh would've let him go, but it was much worse than that. Even after having tainted his body with his cream, he mercilessly continued pounding in without even considering the pain Yugi was in. Yugi felt every thrust burn his skin from the inside, leaving a mark that would remain for the rest of his life and haunt his every dream from here on out. His yelling died down in a hopeless surrender, bouncing along with the rhythm the Pharaoh had created for his own pleasure. It was too late now, he was already raped into submission, no one could help him anymore, not even his mother. From all the things that could happen to him, he would've probably wished to be murdered instead, everything was better than living the life of a whore for the rest of his days. His fate was sealed, and with that he would be abused until the Pharaoh grew tired of him and replaced him with a new specimen, another boy, perhaps more beautiful.

Atem came a second time, this time slipping out of the tight entrance of his property to splatter the boy's pink chest with his cream. He waited until every drop was spilled and let go of the still pinned hands above the boy's head. He breathed heavily, exhausted from the intense exercise.

Once the Pharaoh had retreated his hands, Yugi felt a last bit of courage pumping through his heart that urged him to take himself to a safer place. Battered and bruised, he rolled over and began crawling in shame towards the other end of the bed. He fell off due to a lack of strength drained from his body and ended on the floor with a loud thud. Instead of resting, he forced his body to crawl far away, to a corner in the room in the hopes of offering protection. There, he writhed together like a fetus and began weeping. Atem watched the shameless act and chuckled, but not in a laughing way, it was rather a chuckle of pity.

"Guards!"

Yugi flinched, his eyes shut open like dinner-plates. Was this it? Was he going to get killed, now that the Pharaoh had stolen his purity? Two guards that had been standing outside at the door entered.

"Get him out of here."

Without further due, one of the guards launched forward and grabbed the boy's hair. Yugi screamed while the man pulled it, dragging him on his heels along through the entire palace, until they arrived at a shabby cabin where he was thrown in. His still sore body hit the hard stones on the floor, and behind him the door was being closed and securely locked. With his last bit of his energy, he managed to stumble to a heap of hay that was being provided as bed, where he lulled himself to sleep with bitter tears.

* * *

Ah, so sorry for the dark Atem character that I created, I am evil.

Please review! I'm going to keep asking until you do ^^


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: reluctance**

Yugi hid behind the headboard of the bed that night, his hands clenching to nothing in particular, pretending he was holding an instrument of defense. His movements were hazy and frenzied due to a lack of sleep. He was determined to not give in tonight, after all his body couldn't take it anymore. He was sore from the abuse and his frail body was covered in red marked bruises. Even if he would be able to fend him off tonight, there was still tomorrow, and the day after. He would never be safe if he stayed here any longer, but standing by and being tramped over again was not something he was prepared to do. It was the fourth night. The previous three nights, the Pharaoh had raped him viciously over and over again until Yugi was molested and defeated, on the verge of wishing to die. He had to do something if he would survive this with a sane mind.

Yugi's body froze when he heard the door behind him open again. He clammed his fists while listening to the shuffling feet trotting about, unsure where they would take him. Yugi held his breath to listen in on the noises, carefully distinguishing each sound to determine the outcome, but the steps halted and when Yugi watched from behind the headframe, the room was completely empty.

"Come out, little one."

Yugi's head snapped to the source of the sound, lying still on the bed, his face covered by his right arm while the other rested on the mattress and clutched the thick blankets below him. He seemed distressed, but it made Yugi no less weary. Not even a hint of compassion showed through his violet and angered eyes. After all, this man had raped and abused him for three nights in a row, why would he? Yugi was an empathic type of nature, it wasn't always a good treat but it was what made him so kind, at least before he was thrown at the wolves. He didn't have any friends because his mother had always kept him inside, but whenever his mother was sick or had an accident, just tired or crying, he always comforted her. But that was out of love, he felt nothing but hatred towards this man and the situation wasn't nearly as comparable.

"Will you lie next to me?"

Yugi was surprised to hear the sympathy in those words. It almost sounded like the man was in pain, and for a split second he felt bad for him, but the feeling quickly made room for resentment. He saw no reason in fulfilling his request, in could very well be a trap to lure him into bed and then force himself upon him again, only to laugh with the naivety of the child. There was nothing but pure hate spilling from his heart as he looked at this man, the source of his anguish and loneliness, the reason behind the break with his mother. And yet, as he looked at the man, his face softened in condolence. As he watched him lying on the bed, a troubled face and mouth slightly hatching open, there was torment radiating from his tanned body. He looked like he was in grave pain, emotional rather then physical, but it was suffocating him with dark clouds Yugi couldn't see through. He cursed himself for being so sympathetic.

He didn't lie down next to him. Instead, he took a seat at the side of the bed, the slight bouncing of the bed messaging the Pharaoh that the boy hadn't left yet. As Yugi sat down, he looked troubled at his feet. Both of them didn't move a muscle after that for several minutes.

When something grabbed him from behind, the same panicked feeling ached his chest from the previous days. He reversed to a state of agony and fear, hyperventilating as he was held down tightly by the Pharaoh whom had dragged the meagre body towards him to hold it in a state of possession. His muscled arms were draped like ropes around him to keep him from spasming around violently, and Yugi feared for another night of exploiting due to his own gullible forgiveness. And yet, instead of brushing his naked skin with those tainted hands, Yugi found himself dumbstruck when nothing happened. They just lied still, a secure and consistent respiring echoing through the room that in a wicked sort of way lulled Yugi's senses. His mind was feeble due to the mixed intentions he received and couldn't make head nor tail from it. He had prepared for hours to defend himself from another agonizing night, and now, for the first time he felt relieved. In no way calm, his senses were still sharp for possible maneuvers the Pharaoh might commit, but he was relieved to find that perhaps tonight could end differently. It made no sense to him as how devotionally the King was holding him, in an almost comforting way even if the action was rather to give solace to himself rather then Yugi. His rough hands caressed Yugi's bare arms in an almost loving way to create affection. The way how his hot breath evaporated in moist warmth along Yugi's hairline was surprisingly soothing, and yet the constant reminder of the previous three nights lurked darkly in the back of Yugi's mind. There was no way in hell that he would allow himself to give into this man, but perhaps, just for tonight, even if it was only for an hour or so before the pain would return, he could close his eyes and dream about his home, his house and his mother.

* * *

Yugi's presence was but a facade of the true jumble in his head. He had, for odd reasons, the idea that somehow, tonight would be different too. At least not as troublesome as the previous nights. As he digested on that fiddling hope, he thought back about yesterday evening. It was strange to find out that even monsters had a need for affection, and stranger to learn their touches didn't always leave scars. Funny enough, when he thought about it, Yugi might've actually enjoyed the warmth that had enveloped his body as they had fallen asleep together before he was led back to his chamber. And yet those thoughts quickly recoiled when he remembered all the horrible things the man had done to him prior. But it was troublesome. Whatever it was that drove the Pharaoh to his tyranny, Yugi had seen something broken that night in his eyes. And yet he couldn't point out what it was.

Yugi flinched as he heard two raging men enter the room, and quickly hid himself behind the bed's board before peeking his head from behind to take in what was happening. The Pharaoh seemed beyond distressed, his features showing a bitter anger that spread through his bones and reverted into an alerted body language. He was followed by an older man with a golden eye on the left side of his face, equally furious.

"How poor the excuse for a Pharaoh to barge out of a room in the middle of an agreement! Do you not hold any shame in your actions!"

"I don't owe you anything!" Atem yelled back and stamped through the room, the echoing of his hard steps adding more strength to his anger. Yugi noticed this anger, but an underlying ache resided in his words for only the most attentive ones to hear. A sudden burst of protectiveness flamed his heart, but Yugi decided to stand by idly and wait for the scenery to conclude before doing anything. He still couldn't tell the true intentions behind the Pharaoh for keeping him here and needed to be cautious, even if his nature and heart screamed otherwise.

"You will never be as great as your father! He was a true Pharaoh! A true king whom –"

"Get out!" the Pharaoh screamed, a definitive tone of hurt present, but hiding behind uncontrollable rage, "You don't know anything, you imbecile! Get out, now!"

Offended, the older man ceased his scolding and retreated in the argue, fed up with Atem's lack of responsibility. "Pathetic," he hissed before turning and walking out of the room. Yugi was glad the fighting had stopped. He wasn't sure how long he could sit around and do nothing about it. It was obvious the Pharaoh was in great distress but it was barely acknowledged. The man only seemed to vex him further into a broiling fury that made Atem's vision cloudy and dark.

As the two of them were now alone in the room, just like the previous nights, Yugi felt his body stiffen underneath the weight of his guilt. While he had been close to intervening the argument before, he had now turned pale upon realizing Atem was everything but pleased, and it was highly possible his frustrations would turn to Yugi. The feeling of compassion had dissipated in sheer fear of what the enraged Pharaoh would do to him, flashes of the past nights skimming through Yugi's head as warning him for the possible threat. He tried hard to recoil the memories from his mind, ignoring the scars it had left to replace them with the gentle touches he had experienced last night, but it was difficult.

Yugi's body shivered when he heard a body collapse beside the bed. It appeared the Pharaoh had tried to drag his body to his accommodation, but had failed half-heartedly at the last moment and fell through his knees before arriving. Yugi hitched. It was hard watching how he struggled to maintain his composure as he began to cry uncontrollably, hands clasping the silk fabric of the draped blankets on the mattress as condolence. He seemed in no way interested or wondering if Yugi was there, which Yugi believed to be a good thing. It meant that perhaps he had no craving for physical desire to exploit his own anger. That in itself offered Yugi the benefit of the doubt to emerge from behind the headboard and approach the crying man.

As Yugi came closer with every step, Atem was drowning hard in his grief while not even sensing the boy. He was caught up in a rolling ball of misery that only seemed to grow bigger with every push it was given by the people surrounding him. They could never understand, everyone thought so great of his father, and yet they didn't know half the truth of it. He'd die before he'd become 'as great as his father'.

The Pharaoh's body jerked at the touch of a gentle hand poking his neck. It throbbed gently before retreating again, leaving Atem craving for more even after a contact so brief. As he looked up, through the thick layer of his tears, he laid eyes upon the pale beauty that had recently emerged in his castle. While looking at him, he recognized a sort of pity in those violet eyes, and the understanding surprised him. Had he forgotten the cruel things Atem had done to him the previous nights? Why would this boy approach him and, in but a short and sturdy way, offer affection or at the very least acknowledgment? It made no sense to him, and it left him flustered. He could not deny how nice it felt that someone had cared for the first time that Atem was in pain.

Yugi's mouth was a straight line of numbness while beholding the sight of a crying Pharaoh, his appearance everything but godly as the people believed him to reflect. He seemed vulnerable and weak, which Yugi appreciated, not because he enjoyed the man's pain but rather because he appeared more human. He saw a turmoil fighting in Atem's eyes that alerted him. Everything suddenly made a lot more sense. Yugi still had no idea why Atem was crying, or why he was such a horrible man, but he came to an understanding that there was much more going on behind closed doors that people couldn't know of. This man was in pain, and it was by far no excuse to inflict it upon others, but it made Yugi's heart cringe.

Atem complied in the comforting gestures of the boy caressing his head with just the tip of his fingers. He hadn't felt this warmth before ever since his mother had passed, they reminded him of her own slender fingers brushing through his hair while falling asleep. To think that such a simple act could invoke so many feelings within a person. Yugi's hand stiffened slightly as the man urged for more, but continued the frivolous act nevertheless, seeing as Atem appreciated it so much. Even if the touches weren't straight from the depths of his heart, at least Atem seemed to calm down his nerves, which settled for a smaller chance of outbursts on Yugi's part.

His fear quickly returned however, when the sobbing man focused the clamping of his hands towards Yugi's clothes. He grasped them desperately, pledging for more affection while continuing the endless waterfall of tears that he could not suppress. Yugi shriveled, unknown if he should return the attempt of cuddling, a little voice in the back of his head whispering that the man didn't really deserve it. The hold of his arms felt highly uncomfortable and left Yugi clueless, especially when the crying only increased into moans of sadness muffled in Yugi's chest.

"P-please," the man whispered, his voice rasp from crying, "make love to me."

The tone was, despite the obvious pain, in some way also demanding, and this bothered Yugi. Atem must, for some reason, connect any type of intimacy with sex, and as much as it surprised Yugi that he so carefully asked his consent, it left him disappointed as well. If Atem thought that, merely because Yugi had decided to console him, he would suddenly be willing to offer himself to him physically, he was very wrong. Atem realized that his question was unheard when Yugi wouldn't answer him, and it turned his cries more frantic and pressing. The cold stab of rejection was not something he was used to, having grown up as the child of a Pharaoh and with the additional riches, only child at that. It was such a typical thing for him to do, asking for more while he should already be happy with what he received. But he couldn't help longing for more, after all he hadn't been touched like this in ages. The softness left him curious for more, wondering how it felt like to be loved, to make love, to love someone, whether or not it was mutual. It felt so warm and reassuring, so of course he craved for more, and he was devastated when the craving wasn't returned. It made no sense at all. Why else would the little one approach him? Was intimacy not always followed by sex?

With the lingering suspense of the howling silence and the only audible thing Atem's crying, it was obvious Yugi would not comply. The realization struck Atem hard, but he was too upset to do something about it, let alone pry his wishes anyway. Instead he settled for more bursts of tears that he was happy to share with someone for once instead of living them down by himself. The only real affection between them but the light touches of Yugi's fingers that held no ardour whatsoever, but were still appreciated due to their attempt. They would welcome the night together and let the darkness envelop them, and Yugi would stay by his side until he finally fell asleep.

* * *

The desert sun had barely risen that morning when there was already commotion in the royal palace. Guards walked to and fro, commanding inferiors to urgently fix the matter of their turbulence. Yugi woke up while lying on his heap of hay from all the clamor. He opened his eyes slowly as he heard pressing shouts around his lodging, barely offered any rest as it was so early in the morning. He was still tired from having consoled Atem until the early hours yesterday evening, and he wasn't sure if he had even slept for four hours. The agitation behind his need for sleep was soon disrupted however, as a guard stamped in his door and launched forward to grab Yugi by his shirt, dragging him along while Yugi struggled not to trample over his own feet by the force and speed of the guard's hand. He was led by the only path he had ever taken which rose fear from Yugi's eyes. Being pulled out of his bed and taken to the Pharaoh this early in the morning could not be a good sign, and even if they had shared most of their night yesterday holding each other, Yugi by no means trusted the man. Atem was still a mess of unsudden behaviour and a lack of modesty was inevitable.

Yugi was pushed forcefully in the room, the door snapping closed in front of his eyes. He went astern from the sudden collapse, shutting his eyes as an instinct to protect himself. Upon looking around, his eyes flew open in horror at the sight he beheld.

There was blood everywhere. It clad the bed, the white silk of Atem's clothing that had been removed and thrown casually on the floor, his tanned hands. His fingers were tightly wrapped around what appeared to be a Persian sword, holding it at the part where the hilt and actual blade were connected, causing several injuries on his hands that continued bleeding profoundly. Yugi covered his eyes in shock first, but nevertheless coaxed himself into looking as the man in front of him was raping himself with the hilt of his blade. He pushed the handle all the way in, his fingers still gripping around the base of the swords to push it in deeper. The Pharaoh made an odd sound as he felt the first touches of the blade slightly cutting the skin around his opening. It was a growling sound, but Yugi could not tell if it was from the pain or... satisfaction he gained from the labour. A few seconds passed by drastically, until Yugi snapped out of it and rushed his way to the Pharaoh. Instinctively, his heart told him to protect the man from further harm, having completely forgotten about what he had done to him prior. An intense panic had the better of him and controlled every motion he now took. He went to sit opposite of the Pharaoh whom sat in a crawling position, still shedding tears that he had not shared yesterday, muttering words of shame and embarrassment but continuing the thrusting nevertheless, conflicting more pain upon himself. Yugi's hands spasmed frantically. He took it upon himself to squeeze his hand around the blade too, pulling it out and in the process, cutting his own hand too to replenish the already spilled blood. It was difficult to not let it slip from his hands by all the leaked blood and also the slightest hesitation of the Pharaoh who's hand was still holding the sword too. He silently moaned as it exited his body and fell forward, his hand letting go of the object and grabbing Yugi's white dress that turned a crimson red. As soon as Yugi felt the lack of resistance around the blade, he tossed it aside where it rattled on the ground, and the sharp sound made Atem jolt at the realization he couldn't use the blade anymore. He grew angry and distressed at the same time, his pleading eyes looking up to make contact with the violet ones.

"Give it back!" he yelled, while attempting to sound solemn but failed wholeheartedly and succumbed under more tears. "Give it back." The second time, the words barely escaped before he drowned his face in Yugi's chest and anxiously seized the bloodied dress, releasing and resettling his grip several times as his hands slid off the dress due to the mess of the blood.

Yugi didn't know what to do. His body was shaking and as much as he tried to hold on to the Pharaoh's body, comforting him in his grief of an unknown source, he could not put his heart in the weak caresses he gave. Even the shushing of his voice sounded forced but it somehow helped the older man calm down. After what seemed like seconds, but was actually already an hour, the Pharaoh's body withdrew into submission and allowed itself to give into the sweet touches that eased his pain. He buried his face in the boy's lap and closed his eyes, his mouth slightly open to let still hitched breaths escape. The touches soothed him, even if he was still bleeding and in obvious pain, may it be physically or mentally. Never had he felt so much at ease in years of descending the throne and ruling over Egypt.

There was something alluring about the Pharaoh's body when it calmed down and rested so peacefully in Yugi's lap. He was having a hard time admitting it, but the sight purified his mind from all previous turmoil the man had inflicted upon him. The last two nights had been different, Yugi had felt safer, but it was at the cost of Atem's sanity. It was now clear that Atem was troubled in many ways, for reasons Yugi couldn't understand, and it reflected in his behaviour and actions toward other people. Yugi wished he could understand, perhaps help him if he knew, but he would be thrown out of the palace before he could do that, maybe even killed. It was only a matter of time before the Pharaoh grew tired of him and was in need for someone better.

Yugi looked down to watch the nuzzling figure below him panting in distress, forcing out his inner demons to regain control of his own body again. His eyes were remote and seemed to lack interest in the stare he received from the boy, paying it no mind whatsoever. Yugi took this moment to analyze the frail body below him. It occurred to him that, in the many moments where they had been alone the past week, Yugi had never seen Atem naked, and it became obvious why. Aside from his arms and legs, mainly all the limbs that were exposed during daylight, all the others were soaked into a mess of abstract scars that covered every inch of bare flesh around his chest, back and thighs. Some were old and worn, others seemed more fresh and looked like they were inflicted by the man himself. There was not the slightest skin left unharmed, his entire body was a bad painting of cuts and stripes that eyed even worse, and yet Yugi could not look away. The scars enchanted him into touching, and he hovered his hand above the many scars before the tip of his index finger gently touched one on the back. Patiently, he slid his finger along the trail of the scar where he halted at the end and a new one started. He repeated the action several times over different scars in utter silence, the gestures calming the owner. They remained like this for a moment, inhaling the tranquility of the start of the day, radiating warmth toward each other and listening to each other's breathing.

While Yugi shot up when someone entered through the door, Atem remained on his lap, his eyes making contact with the intruding man and emanating a defensive glare in his bloodshed orbs. Yugi felt the muscles resting on him tense considerably upon seeing the man he had seen yesterday as well, the same golden eye glaring at them in disgust before speaking.

"The lack of strength you show toward your people disgusts me. A Pharaoh does not cry over every unfortunate detail."

Atem crawled his way up on his arms to hostile his demeanor, but the aftermath of his pain got the better of him as he fell back face-down, struggling to maintain balance in what seemed like a silent battle over power. Before Atem had any chance to answer, the older man stamped toward them and Yugi instinctively protected the harmed body with his own. The action surprised the man but by no means distracted him from his objective, pushing the boy away and clasping his hand in the Pharaoh's hair. Yugi watched in terror as the king was drawn from his reassuring arms and dragged out of the room, still naked. There was objection on Atem's part in the form of yelling, and if it weren't for his injuries perhaps he would've escaped, but his body was already tired and beaten from his previous actions and failed him. His crimson eyes watched Yugi whom reached forward as if lending him his help, even if they were too far apart to hold on to each other. The man disappeared, together with the pharaoh, and Yugi was once again left in bitter loneliness. He clasped his hands around his chest and shed tears upon failing to protect what little thing he had accepted as love in this one week of staying in the palace. The oddity of realizing that he was actually worried what would happen to the Pharaoh disturbed him greatly, but were no match compared to the embarrassment he felt for not having tried better to protect him.

Shaking eyes stared at the still open door where audible screams emerged from. They haunted his thoughts into even darker corners that Yugi wasn't aware of them existing. The cries in distress were Atem's, and he was in pain because of Yugi's lack of resistance. It made him wonder how his cries had sounded the previous nights where the Pharaoh had raped him, and if anyone had even bothered to care about them. This entire palace, all the people around it, they were insane, and Yugi had no way of escaping this madhouse. He was trapped like a mouse where no one would help him, not even the maids took pity on him.

Upon another hauling scream, Yugi wrapped his arms around his ankles and rocked himself back and forth in an attempt to comfort himself. He tried hard not to think about the guilt of having failed someone, of what would happen to him if he would stay here any longer, or when he would eventually die and how.

He tried hard, but it was the only thing he could think about.

* * *

This is more difficult than I imagined, it turns out to be pretty hard to write this story. It's such an emotional and psychological story that the aspect of describing their feelings and thoughts is a real challenge. I'm used to writing pretty dark shit, but damn, this is hard.

Don't forget to review if you favourite or follow!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: grief and lust**

It is possible to start caring for someone as soon as one has gone through hardships with them, even if prior to it all they had ever shared was shameless disgust and disapprovement. Yugi experienced a similar feeling like this today, once again worrying for not having heard from the pharaoh in a week. The first days had ticked away agitatingly, figuring the man just needed time to recuperate emotionally and physically from his own assault, but the days only turned longer and Yuugi became more anxious at waiting. He asked himself why it would take the man so long to recover if it had never been his strongest suit to be patient anyway, taking Atem more for a man whom took what he wanted whenever he wanted it. So, it made him wonder why, of all people, he had now been a full seven days of shortcoming in attendance. And perhaps, very secretively, he might be worrying the slightest bit why he hadn't seen him once in those seven days, even if he still loathed the man for who he was. A disrespectful, selfish, inconsiderate, audacious man with no tact whatsoever, and yet here Yugi was, knowing fully well that he was thinking about that _monster_ in many ways except for the words he had just used to describe.

Yugi shrieked as the train of thoughts was interrupted by careful knocking on the door. It surprised him in more than one way, especially since the guards usually just barged in to drag him across the room or just pushed open his door and swung a plate of dry food on the ground. Steadily, a man made himself known from behind the wooden door and peered through the now created crack of the room. Yugi held his breath, weary of whom might be possible entering his quarters, to lay eyes upon a tall and handsome man with long brown hair. He was slender and yet muscular, with the brightest of blue eyes Yugi had ever witnessed, making him wonder if the man was Egyptian at all if it weren't for his caramel skin. He appeared sturdy and yet offered a soft expression that showed compassion, but Yugi did not know yet for what.

"I am here to take you to your mother."

Yugi's eyes widened considerably, having not anticipated this opening sentence at all. It took him by surprise so much that he nearly choked in his own breath.

"What?"

"Quickly," the man continued in an austere way, letting himself in to reach over for the small boy which he was to take to his home as soon as possible. "We don't have much time."

As the man grabbed him by his wrist and tugged him forward, Yugi felt the urgency behind his words. Whatever the reason was for reuniting with his mother, it would not be a positive one, Yugi could tell as much. Upon their travelling to the outer skirts of the city, both man remained silent, Yugi taking in the familiarity of the slums around the great city, remembering the terrible stench and the embrace of disease and death while the older man steered the horse on which they both sat. He seemed to be knowing where to go, and it became obvious now he had driven this path multiple times for unknown reasons.

Nearly arriving, Yugi felt a cold stab of guilt slicing through his stomach as he remembered how they had been parted before being taken to the palace. He had had more food and water than ever before ever since his arrival, instigating jealousy from most people still living in the slums if they would ever find out. They would even go as far as call him lucky for having been chosen as instrument of pleasure by the pharaoh himself, only having to exchange his body to receive a roof over his head and enough nourishment to keep him healthy.

As soon as they arrived, Yugi fled toward his house and barged in the door, where his mother lied sickly on her bed, treated by a man Yugi couldn't care less about. He pushed his way aside the man to reach out to his mother whom remained untouched, not even recognizing her own son.

"Mama! Mama, it's me! Yugi!"

The woman tilted her head, looking at her son with dimmed eyes that already seemed to be perished. She barely felt the grip on her hand when the figure clasped his hands around it and kissed it gently. It was not the blurred view but the soft kiss that made her realize that her son was here, kneeling beside her during her last moment on earth.

"Yugi?" she spoke, almost whispered, her voice hoarse and barely audible, "Is that, you?"

"Yes, mother, it's me!" Turbulently, he placed kiss after chaste kiss on his mother's hand, offering affection to believe that it would cure her from the darkness that was slowly taking her with it. The overwhelming joy of finally being reunited with his mother at what seemed like ages, but was only two weeks, was replaced by a sudden remorse from his own lack of dispute when he was taken without further ado. If only he had retaliated, perhaps he could've taken better care of his mother and they would not be in this situation. If only he had fought harder, he could've protected her, but he hadn't, and it was his own fault. His mother was dying, and it was his own fault.

"My beautiful baby." Her voice was ragged and everything but intelligible, though Yugi tried hard to absorb her last sharing words upon leaving to be judged by the gods. Yugi had no doubt that his mother would be judged worthy and would pass to the afterlife, considering they believed it was a better place than actual life, but he was not ready to let go yet. He had barely had the chance to talk to her upon his arrival, and yet he felt her hand slowly slipping from his grip as giving in to the endured suffering to finally make it stop. "Are they treating you alright? Do you receive food and water?"

"Of course, mother." Yugi could not stop the faltering tears rolling down his face while he rubbed his mother's hand against his cheek. He tried to burn the memory of her touch in his skin before he could no more, desperate to feel her love one last time before it would be too late, even if she could not execute the touch herself.

"Is the Pharaoh kind?" She asked. A question that had lingered in her mind ever since her son was taken from her. She had prayed every night to the gods that her son would be treated lovingly.

"Yes. Yes, he is." It was a blunt lie, so much that the man whom had taken Yugi to his house looked up from it to take in the expression the child made while telling it so. Even the healer knew better than that, everyone whom worked around the palace knew the turbulence of the Pharaoh and his many disturbances. Yugi did not wish to lie to his mother however, he simply wished for her to perish in peace knowing that her son would be fine without her. To inflict worry upon her by telling her all the terrible things he had been put through, right before her death, was not much better than getting up and leaving in their last seconds of breathing. It was Yugi's nature to console people during their desperate moments, and his mother was no exception to that.

"I love you so much, my Yugi."

He knew that, with the last effort of a stroke, those words would be her final words upon her departure. It was a satisfying way of dying, telling their loved ones how much they would be missed, and his mother had wished for nothing more. Her last breath was forced through her slightly parted lips as if kissing her son goodbye one final time, upon closing her eyes and finally letting the gods guide her on her journey. After that, she did not feel her son holding her tighter and crying out to her. She did not feel his warm tears shedding on her skin while she was smothered in his embrace. She was gone.

* * *

He was lonely. He felt more alone than he ever had before. His mother was gone, and now he was all alone. He did not have a home anymore where a loved one would wait for him. There was no one. Not even a father, after all, Yugi had never known who his father was. His mother had told him stories of how they had fallen in love, that he was a traveller from a distant place that she had never heard of, but had left soon after to continue his journey throughout the world. And that left Yugi ultimately alone in a cruel world.

His tears had run dry from all the crying. He had matter-of-factly, cried for a full three days at a stretch, barely having touched his food or caught sleep. Now he just felt alone, especially since no one had come to gather him in those three days of having witnessed his mother's death. The pharaoh had offered him time to grief, and it was both a blessing and a curse. Now was not the time to be alone for Yugi, he needed more physical contact than ever before. Even the pharaoh exploiting his body sounded more attractive than spending another lonesome day in this, this _cell_ , where he was kept. He felt a desperate need for affection now that he had lost the one person whom had ever offered it to him, and the only person who could offer it to him now was that monster. It was a tearing decision, and it gnawed desperately at Yugi's heart, shredded it apart for all it was worth. The words of the pharaoh from a few days ago suddenly changed its meaning, remembering how he had pleaded for Yugi to make love to him. Perhaps he had been in a similar state of thought back then, and Yugi didn't know why but the proposal sounded a lot more attractive than it had then.

He shifted in his crawled seat, his arms tightly wound around his legs. The decrease of the brightness of the sun alerted him it was turning later, and another day had passed by of grief and solitude. He would have no more, he was in need of love and condolence that no one would offer him, so he decided to collect it himself. So he rose, came to his feet for the first time in days, the exhaustion still visible in the bags under his eyes that made him look ten years older. Wearily, he knocked his own door and waited for someone to hear, until a guard opened it and eyed him suspiciously.

"What?"

"I wish to see the pharaoh."

The guard raised his brow, a puzzled expression featuring his face, before he burst into an echoing laughter. "And I wish for all the gold in the world. Now get back to your room."

Trying to slam shut the door, a foot obstructed his maneuver and made the guard impatient in his action, not having the patience to deal with this delinquency.

"You're taking me to the pharaoh."

"Absolutely not."

Again, he tried to close the door with more force, but Yugi began pushing it.

"If he finds out you didn't realize my request, he'll hang you!"

Alas, he had gathered interest from the guard whom suddenly haltered his own lack of advertence, resting his eyes securely on the small boy who seemed doubtless about his own words, the emphasis stretching the severity behind them. Yugi could tell he had risen questions from the man that he was uncertain to confirm himself, considering if he had anything to lose if he would take the boy to the pharaoh nonetheless.

It seemed Yugi had perfectly lured him in his trap and the guard vexed him out to walk him to the throne room. He pushed Yugi several times on their way to a room Yugi had yet to discover, abusing the obvious upper hand of his own strength compared to the weak boy. He enjoyed toying with him until they arrived, Yugi paying him no mind, too caught up in his longing to be held again, excited for that matter that there was a small chance he would again soon.

Several eyes glared toward him when he was led through the enormous door, Yugi recognizing the room as the first room he had been taken to together with the other children to be presented to the Pharaoh. He sought over the many turning heads to search what he was looking for, until his eyes faltered at the alluring silhouette of the young king whom sat in his throne, rising with all the power and pride he possessed upon the present he was just received. His chin was lifted promptly to emanate authority over those who were inferior, his servants waiting for him to entomb the newly created disturbance that had entered the throne room without a care in the world. But to their surprise, no action was taken, in fact, the Pharaoh stood beside his throne, eying the boy who had entered the room, sharing a connection that only they could understand. It became obvious that Yugi was telling Atem something without the need of words, and Atem had understood. Abruptly, he raised his hand and waved it to incline everyone to leave immediately. They did as they were told, hurrying out of the room until the two of them were completely alone, the Pharaoh's footsteps sounding awfully loud as he approached Yugi carefully with each confident step he took.

"Wait."

Atem halted at the suddenness of Yugi's words, vibrating a sense of security even if he trembled from an excess of grief. He stood stiffly, his crimson eyes lurking over Yugi in a fashion Yugi could not comprehend. He saw many emotions in his eyes, those of lust, pain and sadness altogether, but there was something else he could not read. To ignore the pondering of Atem's inviting eyes, Yugi shut his own closed to continue his inquiry.

"I need to know if you are able to love."

It was a silly question, strange at that. At least, many would frown and look at him as if he had just asked a question without an answer. But it made sense to Atem, and yet he could not provide an answer for it himself.

Yugi's eyes were still closed as he heard clacking footsteps approaching him. The sound stopped when the figure stood before him, and hesitantly Yugi opened his eyes to meet the pharaoh's standing right before him. His breathing was steady and his body rigid, showing a slight arrogance but still sophisticatedly enough to be professional. They looked at each other, drank each other's thoughts while thinking of the many possibilities of how this event could turn out. A suffocating tension weaved around them and drew them closer without any contact yet, but providing each other much-needed warmth. Yugi was afraid of his answer, not knowing what it would be, unsure if he could, with everything that had happened between him, trust the man before him whatsoever. His conscience screamed at him to turn around and run away now that he still could, and yet there was something else inside of him, whispering to him not to. Yugi could not help the startle when the Pharaoh held his wrists gingerly, pulling him closer to meet each other's glare.

"Then teach me."

Yugi's eyes widened at both the answer and the touch. Every word spilled from his lips held all the determination he needed to completely offer himself to this man, drowning in his arms and giving in to his suffering in exchange of affection. His breathing increased dramatically when thoughts floated in his head, coaxing him into his desire to show this man how it felt to love, to be loved, to make love, every meaning and way of using the word. He would teach him how to love, as his mother had taught him before she had passed, as he wished to be loved again. He would teach him everything.

Their lips met desperately, almost agonizingly, clashing together with a need for each other that had long been there but up till now not recognized. Yugi drowned in the overwhelming emotions of craving, his discovery of how Atem's lips felt more than he could've imagined. It was perfect, everything about this moment was perfect. He would've almost forgotten that his mother had died.

* * *

It's needless to say that couples' lovemaking changes after only a few months, for the very sole reason that they have come to understand each other better. Atem and Yugi were no exception to that, even if what they share could hardly be called a relationship, or that is what most people not believed it to be. It seemed rather a commitment bound by lust for they only met in the evening and all they ever really did was have sex. But it was so, so much more than just sex. It was loving to an extent that they would share themselves with each other, with a craving to make the other one feel good, and a need to feel each other's touch. It had taken an incredulous amount of time and patience, but Yugi had finally managed to teach Atem how to love. At first it had been rough, Atem was impatient and didn't have a clue as how to return the pleasuring on Yugi's part. He was greedy and picked out carefully what he wished for without returning anything, but Yugi taught him. He showed him how to stroke, how to kiss gently and everything else. It was difficult and demanding, but he had succeeded, and Atem now understood how enjoyable returning that pleasure could be. He found fruition in returning the zesty drift of desire and found it intriguing to watch Yugi as he shamelessly cried words of bliss during sex. Atem established a crafty need for discovering how Yugi's body reacted to different touches, experimenting with his hands while caressing the boy's body, trying hard to coax Yugi every night into sharing the climax of his passion and making mental notes as to how he had done it to learn what Yugi liked and didn't like. It was complicated at best, but also interesting.

Even now, at this moment, his hands were trembling with anticipation as he steadily locked Yugi in his grip over him, Yugi standing on all fours while Atem was above him, wrapping his arms around his shining pale skin. It was smooth and slippery due to the perspiration, which provided a soft texture to add to the kneading of Atem's hands as he held the boy gingerly. He was still aggressive during sex, possessive while committing the act, but never violent. Every touch, every stroke, every kiss, he did with Yugi's consent, waited for his reaction of approval before continuing, hungrily engrossing the urgency of the moment in which they were tangled. Even if it had taken so long for him to learn, he thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it.

Yugi's skin tasted salty, and yet it was sweet at the same time. Atem trailed his tongue over the boy's neck, kissing and suckling it with both force and speed, drowning in moans of pleasure escaping his lover's lips. Yugi mewled wonderfully in the touches, tossing back his head in agreement every time a more pressing noise was made, unable to attain himself. He was sweating profoundly, the heat of the moment building up inside of him for what was about to happen. He could not help the trembling when Atem glided down his hands along his sides to rest them on his hips, his mouth soon following with a wet trail of kisses along his spine. He sucked lovingly on the milky flesh that was met at Yugi's bottom, almost biting it, never losing his concentration to bless his lover with the ultimate pleasure. This boy whom had so randomly been taken to his palace more than a month ago, presented before him as a gift of the gods that Atem took for granted, he had now grown attached to him. Could not even imagine how his life would be without him anymore. Yugi meant the world to him, and yet he could not tell what it was he felt toward this boy. The idea of love just sounded too far-fetched and the concept was still indistinct to truly label it.

Yugi's cries sounded like an angel when he chirped happily from the received contact. He felt how the pharaoh had decided to commit his tongue into a different act of pleasure, and had to admit he found it outstandingly pleasurable. The warmth and wetness provided great stimulation when licking around Yugi's entrance, once in a while tugging it inside and swirling his tongue around. It was awfully arousing, even if Yugi was embarrassed to mention it, but he could not hold speech to it. Yugi muffled his mouth behind his hand to prevent it from spilling anymore embarrassing sounds, but Atem always pulled it away. It was how he participated in the event without being directly touch, and therefore Yugi could not stop continuing those sounds of blessing.

"A-Ah! Atem..."

The said man cursed innerly at how submissive Yugi had pronounced his name, knowing fully well he could be beheaded for that but not caring any less. Atem absolutely loved it when Yugi spoke his name, not only was it highly challenging and delinquent, it also translated that Atem's endeavors were successful, which they apparently were. He cursed again, this time out loud but muffled in between the suckling of his lover's tender spot, digging in his tongue greedily while Yugi continued the sighs and wailing. Atem felt he was close to coming himself, and Yugi's unintelligible words were not helping at all.

Yugi felt the urgency of the licking heightening, Atem's voice vibrating through his busy tongue as the man was experiencing a climax himself without any physical contact even near his groin. It gave an odd but stimulating effect to the licking that got Yugi closer to his own climax, but succeeded in redrawing. Atem's voice died down in between the strokes with his tongue, living out the much-needed release of the building tension that he had not anticipated but didn't mind either. It was the first time he had come without anyone touching him privately, and it was oddly satisfying.

"Did you just – come?" Yugi asked, his voice ragged and short of breath from all the cries, turning his head back to try and look at the pharaoh. The man however, retreated his tongue and travelled back up Yugi's back, continuing the frantic kissing and licking, where he ended on his shoulder and snaked his arms around Yugi's chest again. Taking the silence as a yes, Yugi understood that his suspicion was confirmed and that, if they still would have sex, he much needed to supervise the matter and make sure their night would not end like this. Atem was reluctant to hand over his position of dominance but agreed nonetheless, struggling to lean on his knees as Yugi tried to turn around. He was faced with the beauty of innocent violet eyes, radiating passion and desire. Yugi watched him tenderly, panting hard before clashing their lips together in a hungry kiss. They kissed for several minutes, stroking each other's naked skin and diving their tongues in each other's mouths, longing for knowledge of how the other one tasted and remembering every spice of its' flavour. Their tongue danced around in smooth and erotic gestures that coaxed each other into more, making it harder for Yugi to break the kiss and continue his determination of finishing this night properly.

Yugi bent forward, massaging Atem's tout muscles while doing so before they slid to his hips where he securely locked his hands around the other man. His nails dug into the caramel skin, pulling it toward him to greet the pharaoh's groin with his featherlike lips. They brushed the tip briefly, sending sparks of electricity through the owner's body, before a shy tongue introduced itself and continued the action of welcoming. Atem tossed back his head, already produced sweat dripping down his neck. The muscles in his abdomen pulled tight from Yugi's actions, the boy taking in his still leaking cock even if it wasn't fully erect anymore. It became obvious Yugi was desperate for release but would not hear of a mere handjob. He thought of sex as important as eating and found the act itself too beautiful to be postponed. Atem was licked clean by Yugi's skilled tongue, the warmth of his cavern inviting him to go deeper and stay there longer. The swirling of his tongue around his now new erection was tentative to say the least. His voice turned ragged and he almost forgot how to breathe in the moment, too caught up with the exquisite sensation of his lover's mouth making love to him. As Yugi continued sucking him off, Atem could not help himself from digging his hands in Yugi's hair and replenish the pace of the thrusts and severity of them, riding in the boy's mouth as if it were his ass. He was not deaf to Yugi's gagging sounds but in fact, he might very well admit they only added to the sexual tension of the moment. Once in a while stopping, Yugi allowed himself to wipe off his mouth and continue his favor, halting only when he felt Atem was ready to continue their night of bliss and pleasure.

In that short moment where Yugi's lips had popped from Atem's erection, the pharaoh had already turned around the boy again to meet his back. He pushed his own body against him, hands stroking and touching every inch of naked skin that was presented before him so tenderly. Yugi hitched from the touch, his head falling back on Atem's shoulder to allow him to touch him at every will. The older man's hands travelled over his hot skin, caressing the meat around his groin seductively but not yet touching it, hearing how Yugi groaned annoyingly by that touch. He travelled upwards, first wetting the tips of his middle fingers by tugging them in Yugi's mouth before he began playing with his nipples. Yugi flinched, as if jolts of electricity surged through his body, his nipples instantly becoming stiff by the cold touch of wet skin. Atem played with them, careful not to overdo it but enough to turn Yugi on edge, getting more and more agitated from foreplay.

"Please, Atem – please, mhhmmm." His pleading sounded awfully inviting, almost pathetic, and yet Atem decided he had had enough of foreplay too. He had a rock-hard erection between his legs and a demanding lover that was implyingly waiting for him to make his move.

Guiding Yugi forward to support himself on his arms too, Atem prepared himself for the most intensive part of their night. Yugi obeyed willfully, wiggling his butt to appear more inviting and apparently succeeded, because Atem entered him only seconds later. He positioned himself before his entrance, slid in ever so slowly, driving Yugi mad at the process of releasing a long and feverish howl upon being penetrated. When he retreated himself to begin his repetitive motion of thrusting in and out, it happened with the same carefree and languid fashion.

"Aah! Fuck, Atem! Don't – stop it!"

The thrusting was, inevitably, sensational and deep, a little too deep for Yugi. Atem was mocking him. Yugi wanted him to go faster and harder, but all he continued doing was the same slow rocking motion of penetration, forcing it in as far as he could, almost rolling the pupils out of Yugi's eyes. It was incredibly intense, but Yugi doubted if he could keep this up any longer, at least without coming within thirty seconds.

Yugi was not the only one having troubles containing himself. Atem's cock was still sensitive from the previous climax, so the pharaoh quickened his pace and instead settled for a steadier one. His cock only swelled thicker due to his actions, and Yugi felt himself expanding by the invasion within him. He cried hard in his pillow, having abandoned support with his arms to instead allow himself to be fucked into the bed face-forward. He shed tears of pure pleasure, saliva from having sucked off the pharaoh prior now leaking from his mouth, unable to hold it in anymore. His wailing and whimpering turned louder with every thrust, became more desperate and needy, longing for more from his lover, a craving for absolute molestation. He eagerly took in all of Atem's hardening, captured it in his entrance and released it over and over to only greet it again. He was being filled like an animal, cried like an animal and lusted like an animal. He wished for more, so much more, so much harder and faster and deeper. For this moment during sex to never end, to have Atem inside of him for the rest of his life. And he'd give up anything for that.

"Aah, aaaarrgh, yes! Fuck, yes!" Those words rolled off his tongue in pure bliss of the moment. Atem hungrily met Yugi's arching hips with his own thrusting, a longing to plunge himself deep in his present. He slowed down his pace to the one they had commenced their lovemaking with, very slow but oh so deep, spreading the boy's ass-cheeks to penetrate him further, finding that sweet spot that he had been looking for so desperately. He nudged it gently, staying in as deep as possible but adding severe and frantic thrusts to tickle the spot and convert it to the high pitches of Yugi's mewls of pleasure. With it, he felt his second climax quickly surface within him, adding pressure to the ride and allowing himself to fully submit to the need for release. He came hard, filled Yugi with everything he had, rode out his climax inside of him until Yugi grabbed one of Atem's hands and demanded it to stroke his own erection. With that one stroke, Yugi came too in Atem's hand, the still thrusting motions of their bodies providing friction around his own hardening and adding to a much-needed orgasm. He spurted all over the bed, unashamed, and collapsed in his own cream with the additional weight of Atem on top of him, both out of breath and bodies still spasming from coming.

While catching their breaths, Atem placed chaste kisses on Yugi's bare back. He groaned slightly when removing himself from within his lover, coaxing the same reaction from the body below him. He rolled aside for Yugi to lay more comfortable, allowing himself to close his eyes in the process of relaxing his body, but still hearing how his lover crawled beside him and tugged his arms around him. Yugi urged him to roll over too so they could look at each other, Atem granting his request and returning the glare.

Yugi looked truly happy. He was smiling sincerely, emanating whispers of love with his sparkling eyes that could speak if one payed enough attention. Atem looked back at him, but it was a mixed emotion of both severity and confusion. Without realizing it, it was what Atem usually looked like after sex. He had no idea whatsoever how to return the emotions Yugi so unconditionally shared with him, barely even understood them, let alone comprehend his own feelings. He felt utterly lost for not being able to recognize what this burning desire was in his chest and this excessive need to... just look at Yugi. Those violet eyes made his skin crawl and his heart beat faster, and yet Atem did not define this as love. He had, after all, no idea how that was supposed to feel.

"Atem."

Yugi's voice sounded pressing upon addressing him, and Atem looked up from his train of thoughts to meet the boy's gaze. He was smiling warmly, nestling himself closer without the loss of eye-contact before pronouncing the next words carefully.

"I think I'm falling in love with you."

The reaction that followed next was not one Yugi had anticipated. In those crimson eyes, he saw sheer fear so divine it frightened him as well, and that while having whispered those words so considerably. In a doubting fashion, Yugi tried to place his hand on the panicking face, but in doing so the pharaoh went to rise to settle for a sitting-position on the bed, releasing the lock on their eyes to turn to less troublesome views that did not confuse his thoughts. He knew Yugi was expecting an answer from him, and yet he could no bring himself to. Nothing in this matter made sense anymore, everything was a thick mist of both reality and dreams. Even if he could settle for a forceful answer by a lie that would comply to Yugi's confession, it was not the message that troubled him so much as the actual word. He simply could not roll it from his tongue, even though he returned it wholeheartedly.

"Please don't look away, Atem..."

Yugi felt like every careful word he used was a mistake. Atem's pupils turned anxiously small and his body began trembling like the room had just dropped for a good twenty degrees. Even trying to rest his hand on the man's shoulder seemed like a bad move on his account now that he looked so scared, as if the words had triggered something horribly that Atem had tried to bury in his thoughts a long time ago.

Atem admittingly hated the words 'look away'. They reminded him too much of unpleasant times to resurfaced dark memories he preferred not to look into. The two words added together initiated a dramatic raise at heartbeat that Atem could not control even if he wanted to, due to their underlying story. Of course he knew Yugi didn't use them on purpose, but it didn't reduce the pain any less. While beforehand the moment after their lovemaking should've been soothing, it was now the complete opposite of that, and Yugi was aware he had made a grave mistake by sharing his emotions with a man that couldn't even read his own, let alone understand those of another.

"Don't ever say that again."

Atem glared over at Yugi, eyes broiling with a passive anger which he strongly tried to supress for the sake of this moment. He understood as much as Yugi longing to share more than physical intimacy, but quite bluntly the idea frighterened him to a corner where he would remain, whimpering until the ordeal was over. In this case, he secretly hoped for Yugi to regret his own words after realizing the severity of them, even if they had somehow lifted his spirits for an unknown reason. If it hadn't been for the second sentence Yugi had spoken, perhaps he would've settled the first one a place in his heart.

His words had sounded harsh to say the least. They dripped trails of bloodlust that Yugi recognized all too well, taking him back to his first week of staying in this palace. Of course, things had changed since then, their relationship had changed, but things could not be undone, and deep down Yugi knew he still feared Atem for the unstable man he was. It was an odd coalition of both fear and love, but maybe it happened more than one could imagine.

Being unable to look at those crimson eyes any longer, Yugi decided to look away and let his gaze drop, unknowingly expressing his disappointment in how his confession had been welcomed, and that while having meant every word of it. There was a chilling atmosphere now that words had been exchanged, and it coaxed Yugi into turning away and nestling in his own spot to permit himself some rest while pondering over the outcome of their brief conversation. A few minutes later, he felt Atem do the same, not holding Yugi in his sleep or brushing against him to exchange their warmth as they had done the previous nights. It was a bitter end to a passionate night that could leave a more sour taste. Yugi closed his eyes, wishing he was far away from the palace, running off somewhere far away where he didn't know anyone to start all over again. If only his mother would still be here, if only he had protected her, maybe they could've travelled together. Yugi wasn't alone anymore, he had Atem now, but there was no guaranty as how long that would last. He knew that one day his fairytale would end, he just didn't know how yet.

* * *

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	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: the act of loving**

There was something inviting about the night that Atem could not quite put to its context, but it was there for sure, and the feeling was mutual. He was a night-person after all, enjoying the quietness of it and all the secrecy it had to offer. During the night, he could be himself. He could think unbotheredly without having to wear a mask before anyone or needing to act as the pharaoh who ruled the land of Egypt. It was the sole moment in which he could brood about his feelings without anyone needing him for his actions, being his priests whom needed him to make decisions and welcome visitors, or Yugi whom needed him physically. He was a ghost living in a shell, controlling a vessel that by chance was a King with responsibilities and now a lover too, making everything much more complicated then it already was before.

He truly believed Yugi had changed him, and it wasn't necessarily a bad thing as most people were reluctant to it. The common people, they seemed to appreciate his dominion now that they were privileged with more riches, able to exchange for more food and water. Nourishment which they desperately needed since the rate of death had only increased after his father had perished. They used it for medications, constructions and agriculture, the great nation slowly but steadily reflourishing from its previous downfall. Aknamkanon, his father, had been a monster but at least he was able to maintain his authority over his own people without losing their respect. Atem had lost that only after a few months of mounting the throne. He had been, after all, too young to have any idea how to establish the welfare of a nation and was, quite frankly, not concerned with it. He could care less about the common people, they did not deserve the pity of a boy whom had never earned it from his own father. That was, until Yugi came along of course.

Then it had simply changed. He suddenly cared more, because Yugi had been one of those common people too. He suddenly provided more, because he realized how neglected those common people had been, and how poor the living conditions had become in the once great nation of Egypt. He was suddenly more respected, because the common people received more proper treatment and received enough supplies to reestablish what they once had.

Atem found it hilarious. Throw some money at their feet and they will kiss it, uncaring of how cruel and gruesome their previous treatment had been. It was proof in itself that Yugi was no different from those common people, falling in love with a man, or so he claimed, whom had raped him on their first encounter. It was hilariously sickening.

There was a small angel sleeping soundly in his bed across the room right now, providing Atem with all the love and care in the world he had never been offered before. So why did Atem push it away so stubbornly? Why was he so desperate as to remain at the bottom of the pit and not come out even when he was offered a hand? Perhaps he had grown accustomed to the situation? Or perhaps he felt home in it? He couldn't tell. All he knew was that Yugi was crazy. He was insane to devote his love to a monster like him, and then all Atem did was throw it right back at him for the pathetic reason that he didn't know how to love. He was taught how to make love and return it indeed, Yugi had taught him well, but to actually experience the emotion, that didn't make sense to him at all. Love was a stupid emotion anyway, it made him feel weird and uncomfortable, so why bother to understand.

Atem grabbed the balustrade of the balcony from his bedroom. He had a splendid view across the Royal Garden, but Atem had never really taken the time to appreciate it. He usually just came to this place to brood about his thoughts and consider if he should jump or not. He usually didn't, although he had tried twice when he was a little kid. The first time a guard had caught him on time, and the second time his father had and then – well, he didn't really want to remember what had happened then. His father wasn't here now though, no one could really stop him, so... should he?

He placed his knee on the edge for support, crawling on the stonework of the balustrade until he stood, suddenly aware of how fresh the air around him smelled. He breathed in the scent through his nostrils, filling his lungs with the sweetness of midnight dew aroma as he closed his eyes briefly, only to return them below him, watching the depth of his fall. The stones crafted in the floor of the ground level appealed to him. He could hear his mother calling out to him from up here. He wasn't sure, but he almost heard her whispering to look away. He didn't.

Instead, he closed his eyes and leaned forward. The hesitation of his human instinct to maintain balance fighting him, but nonetheless he found the courage to bend over and let himself fall towards the ground. He thought he was flying, like an eagle in the desert sky, even smiling as he felt the stroke of the cold night caressing his cheeks. He finally felt free.

With a loud yell, Atem was abruptly pulled back before his feet even let go of the banister, caught by the desperation of two harmless hands that had, in an attempt to save his love, dragged him back to saver grounds. Upon a loud crashing of their bodies on the stone ground, Atem's eyes warily grew open to witness the moist eyes of violets dancing in the desert sky, exposing their vulnerability through the tears they shed. He felt lost, none of the words Yugi moaning towarss him sounding any less audible, deaf to all that not happened around him. As Yugi cried, wrapping his arms securely around the Pharaoh, he could not help but think how it almost seemed he was holding a corpse. Such little motion sturred within the King's body that he appeared dead. If it weren't for his steady breathing and slow flickering of his eyelids, Yugi would've thought he had commited suicide by the means of sacrificing his soul.

"Atem! Please, look at me! I'm here! I'm right here! Why do you not see me?!"

The words caused a frantic flutter on the pharaoh's behalf that earned him the attention he had been seeking. Yugi's eyes widened to look at the man whom turned on his back to stare back in his shaking eyes, a steadfast emotion pouring right out of them that Yugi could not describe. Was it disappointment for not having been able to die? Yugi could not tell. All he felt was hopeless by the entire situation.

"My love, promise me – promise me you'll never do that again!"

The fragile boy nestled himself in Atem's chest, rocking the limb body back and forth to console the longlost grief that dwelled within in, unaware that it had spread already too far too long ago for it to ever cease. Yugi repeated the words again when the pharaoh did not respond, begging for him to return the promise and hence, make a packed to sign a contract with the devil. Could Yugi not see what he asked of him was impossible? Could he not see that it was already too late for him?

The shaking of Yugi's cries was answered by a weak yet determined caress around his waist, coaxing him into leaning further on the older man's body. Atem hushed the moans with soothing whispers he had never caught himself voicing, peppering Atem's emotions with more confusion than before. Yugi cried in his arms for the remain of the night, together lying on the cold, hard ground, waiting for the inevitable to happen. Waiting for nothing in particular except for more pain. So instead, Atem opened up. He closed his eyes and took deep breath after deep breath, gathering every hint of strength to do what he was about to do. He looked at Yugi, wiped away the remain of his tears, and opened his mouth. He might as well tell Yugi his entire past before he'd try committing suicide again.

* * *

" _Look away, Atem!"_

"Look away!"

That was the last thing he could remember his mother yelling at him. And while every second of the scene of his nightmare could be replayed in every tiny little detail, Atem preferred talking about it as little as possible. Mainly because no one would believe him anyway, but mostly because the experience had been too traumatic for him to ever talk about it to anyone in particular. He had learned better than to show weakness and discuss these matters with other people whom would only take advantage of this information, at least his father had taught him better than that. He had, after all, taught him that no one, _no one,_ could _ever_ be trusted, not even his own father.

Atem was still young when he began to see things, or rather realize what he had been seeing all along. He first began understanding some parts of that when he was six, a still spoiled and rich prince that enjoyed spending time with his childhood friend and his nephew Seth. Apart from hitting Atem every so often, his mother was the main target of his father's wickedness. He thoroughly enjoyed torturing her very slowly in small but effective ways, and the only one who ever really knew about it was Atem. He watched so many times as his father would hit her, kick her, scratch her beautiful caramel skin until it was coated red, but smart enough to harm her only where no one could see. Preferably, that was her stomach, back and thighs, and sometimes he inflicted it elsewhere, but those moments were rare and risky. Atem's mother was beautiful, he had inherited most of his features from her, but the constant abuse made her appear old and ugly. She became skinny and also weak, barely able to hold her son anymore, but no one ever understood what was going on. They just thought she was sick, while the sick one was her husband.

After a few years, Atem grew accustomed to the abuse, equally gaining his half of it while his mother took most, mostly to keep her son from harm. Atem had never anticipated that that would mean her instant death. It was on one particular evening that his father was on a rampage again, dying to inflict pain upon his only son but intervened by his mother, thus making his father furious. He grew so indignant that he pushed his mother down on the bed and began raping her viciously. And even if Atem wanted to look away, his father told him not too. He told him he could not look away for if he would, he would do the same thing to him after he was finished with his mother. So he stayed. He stayed and watched, with eyes full of tears and moans of distress, not knowing what to do as his mother yelled for him to look away. She yelled it multiple times, replenishing already shed tears from her son with her own, humiliated before his eyes by her own husband. How she hoped he would look away and run as far as possible, to never return and live a life worthwhile, yet knowing Atem never would out of fear. She knew that Atem would not only remember this for the rest of his life, but also blame himself for not having done anything. For just having stood there and watched, even if she would never blame him. She wished she could've told him that, before her husband strangled her to death right on that bed, never knowing the horrible things her husband would do to her son after she would perish.

And that was how his mother had died. Because he was a coward, and because he was naive. Naive for not running away while he had the chance. What had happened after that was a thick fog of hazy memories that he preferred to bury deep beneath the other negative thoughts, what he did remember however was the throbbing pain he had endured in that particular moment. No, he couldn't remember anything about the actions, but the pain, the pain was still so vividly carved on his skin.

One could ask, after his mother had left the world of the living, if the behaviour his father inflicted had decreased in any way, and yet Atem could not really answer that. The last three years of living together with his father, educating him to become his successor, there wasn't much to tell except for sheer loneliness. There were times where they ate in utter silence and wouldn't share words for days on end, with the utmost fear that if Atem would make any sound at all, his father would once again punish him as he did almost every evening. He had grown accustomed to the routine of hiding in the palace for his father not to find him after the sun had set, usually crawled up in the corner of a room with tears stinging his eyes before his heart stopped beating when he heard the door opening, knowing all too well whom had found him. He had learned to try and relax his body when his father pushed objects inside of him that did not belong there at all, but Atem didn't know any better, and he couldn't tell what was right or wrong anymore. There was a long time in which he sincerely believed that any father would do that to his child as a means of growing up, but during the little times that he spend with his cousin Seth in the palace and watching him with his own father, he soon realized it was not. And yet, he couldn't do anything about it. He would bite the pain away every time his father would summon him to his room again, sliding his blade cut after cut over his skin, calling it a masterpiece of collected scars decorating the perfect skin of his perfect son, too perfect, it was why he wanted to mutilate it. He would muffle his cries away when his father pushed something different, bigger inside of him, of different materials and resources. His father was, after all, quite the creative type on these matters. He would shiver in tears when he was tossed aside again, his father tired of the endless torturing that could not seem to quench his thirst any longer.

Before his father's death, a much-welcomed surprise embraced by almost half of the royal palace (mostly servants and concubines), Atem remembered how his torturing demeanor had increased unmanageably. He would leave his throne in the middle of a council, find his son and molest him for hours at most. Aknadin, whom was the pharaoh's right hand and also his brother, worked hard to cover up those loose ends so that no one would find out. He worked his magic to guarantee that the only ones who knew about these contrarious fits were him and Atem, making him promise that it was of utter importance that no one could find out about this. It didn't really surprise anyone when his death had come after all, having committed suicide on accident really, when he had discovered that harming himself fulfilled a much more divine satisfaction than harming his own son after all and taking it a bit too far. And whilst it was expected of the now new heir of the throne to mourn over his father's loss, he felt only as if the weight of a stone had been lifted off his shoulders. He insisted on his father being buried separately from his mother as to let her sleep in peace to at least save her from the agony in her afterlife. It was then that his own disturbing thoughts had begun to control his ruined conscience, finding pleasure in scrutinizing people himself, having learned it from the best.

It began small really, by torturing tiny animals like insects, scorpions and birds. It amused Atem and kept him occupied from his otherwise menacing thoughts. Soon after, he began hitting his servants, threw objects at them, demanded them to watch while he brought harm upon a concubine that he only really used for torture rather than sex. He was only fifteen back then, and sex was something far from his concern. His patience grew shorter every year, beheading commoners who came to his palace for negotiation about their lack of nourishment, and the people grew afraid of a man whom they thought was the incarnation of the Gods. Atem became a tyrant, was known as the most feared pharaoh throughout Egypt and yet, also the youngest ever to descend the throne. After two years of inheriting the throne, the custom arose in which about eight boys were plundered from the street every month or so for the pharaoh to choose his liking. What he did to them was simple. He raped them, waited for them to beg for mercy, until their spirits broke and they stopped fighting. Then he grew bored of them and threw them in the Nile for them to drown or sometimes be eaten alive by alligators. He had held up that reputation for five more years, until he was taken to this very moment. Until he had laid eyes on violet and porcelain skin so pure it made his spine shiver.

And that was about the end of it.

* * *

Yugi was awfully silent.

"Do you wish to annihilate your feelings of love toward me?"

Yugi titled his gaze to meet the questioning look of the pharaoh's, his eyes still afar, busy processing every bit of information he had just been offered before thinking about an answer. Atem's face was troubled but passive, which was strange considering what he had just told him. You would think that his story would at least sway some emotions within his broken body, but perhaps the pharaoh had come to terms with it a long time ago to care for it any more.

"I do not wish for such a thing," Yugi whispered against Atem's cheek, kissing is softly and sensing the relaxation in those muscles by his innocent act. "I spoke the truth and its sincerity has not changed since."

Atem did not understand this. He could not understand how Yugi, the definition of honesty and compassion, could state his thoughts so freely without any doubts. From all the people he could fall in love with, Yugi had the misfortune of falling for a monster like him. How Atem wished for Yugi to be able to alter those feelings and forget about him, he'd give up anything for that. Was this how love felt, then?

"Will you grand me the opportunity of loving you, so that perhaps, in return, you will finally earn the love you have been seeking for so long?"

Their eyes connected in the moment of Yugi's inquiry, drowning in the emotions of what Atem now recognized as love. Perhaps, after all this time, he would finally learn how to love and be loved. Perhaps, Yugi could mend his broken soul and rebuilt it like the empire he once ruled. And he would lie if he'd tell he wasn't scared to take that chance, yet those emotions pouring out of Yugi like streams of water, reaching out to him to carry him across, it was beautiful to watch, it made him curious, longing.

Atem placed his forehead on Yugi's, feeling a tangible energy transpiring between them that connected them to a whole new level. He closed his eyes when the little one greeted his intrusion by the touch of his lips, falling in a blissful kiss of pure intimacy shared between only the two of them, in this unique moment of losing themselves in one another. They could not tell why, but they both knew this meant a whole new chapter to their relationship.

* * *

A usual council of the priests trespassed in cold silence, exchanging as little words as possible in the hopes of their meeting to end quickly and forget about the present and upcoming troublings they had yet to solve. It was now well past four months in which Atem and Yugi had committed their love to each other, and things had escalated positively. So much that, today, on this council, more words were exchanged. They talked amiably about their pharaoh's improvement in attitude and even shared a laugh or two, smiling about the work that had been done since then and petted themselves on the back for it. The city was once again flourishing and new projects such as pyramids and temples were being built to honour the Gods. Working conditions improved, living conditions too and the relationship between the pharaoh and his people had taken a turn for the better. They blessed him before eating, bowed upon walking past the palace and thanked him by leaving him small but meaningful presents at the front door. At first Atem didn't really know what to do with it, but after a while he collected some of the objects that held his interest and somehow appreciated more than the others. One of them was a doll, exceptionally badly made and filthy, but Atem kept it in his room to sometimes stare at it before tugging it away again in his night dresser for keepsake. He had a few more objects such as an ancient necklace and a beautifully crafted ornament, but he liked the doll the most, for oblivious reasons.

"There is one thing, however, that I would like to address during this council before we walk with our heads in the clouds for too long."

Aknadin's voice was stale and rough upon speaking. Whenever he bellowed word, in only a matter of seconds the whole room went silent and the other priests paid close attention to his speech.

"The pharaoh is 22 and still has no heir. After careful consideration, it is of my belief that our king is not fit to marry and produce a child anytime soon."

"Nonsense," Isis spoke. Her word of choice was perhaps stale, but she referred to her master with all due respect. "Our king is more then ready for a wife. He has proven himself over the past months and was chosen worthy by the Gods. His improvement in ruling can only emphasize that fact."

Her colleagues more than willingly obliged, nodding their heads in approval. Aknadin frowned, it had not been of his calculation for the pharaoh to improve so considerably. It was why he treated their king the way he did, and why he allowed him to pick a male child of his liking every month or so to do with as he pleased. Feeding the pharaoh's insanity was the only target he had ever worked toward while being by his side for so long, hoping that one day the pharaoh would succumb and a new, better heir could step the throne. Someone like his son, Seto, that is.

"I must reconsider, Isis. As much as the pharaoh has proven himself, we mustn't forget how our country had nearly been on the brink of extinction due to his carelessness not so long ago. How long until he drifts back to his old habits?"

"If I may, lord Aknadin," Mahad called. He was a trustworthy priest that held a weak spot for the pharaoh ever since he babysitted him back when he was an infant. "I am most certain he will not, as long as the boy remains by his side."

Everyone knew which boy he was talking about. It was not their constant coaxing and assistance that convinced the pharaoh to rule otherwise, it was a mere, homeless child by the name that had done so, with fair skin and eyes of a colour that they thought impossible to exist. Ever since he had walked through the palace doors, a demeanor had changed in their pharaoh, and he was still influenced by it now.

"That does not guaranty anything, Mahad. The pharaoh is easily influenced an naive for that matter. That the child is around for so long comes as a surprise, but that does not mean he will be forever. I still do not approve of their relationship either. It is for obvious reasons that we keep the child in the pharaoh's chamber, I doubt anyone would queue to marry our king if they knew a male whore was locked inside it."

"I must question that, father," Seto intervened. He heard his father grunt but paid it no mind. He was all too aware of his father's plan but had never gotten along with it. "Several ancestors before him had different bedmates, sometimes male. I don't see how it would bother anyone. I also believe the pharaoh is ripe for marriage, we ought to at least support him and offer him a chance in reestablishing his honour. An heir gives us security to the bloodline and preserves the purity of our nation.

Again, the different members of the council agreed, more steadfast, and later decided that pharaoh Atem was to be married in no less than two weeks. They continued babbling about finding a bride and arranging the festivity as Aknadin retreated himself from the meeting. If the pharaoh were to produce an heir, all of his plans would go to waste. Seto would never become pharaoh. He had to do something.

* * *

Atem stared rather worriedly at the woman before him, holding her hands in an awkward fashion, drowning in what he transcribed as fear showing in her eyes, though it was evident that that fear was actually a reflection of his own self. While Shimon sung the words of their binding, Atem could not hold himself from looking over at his only true love, standing idly by the side with a passive expression on his face. He tangled himself in those beautiful violet eyes upon finishing his listening of the ceremony that would bind him to this woman, this stranger he had only met a few days ago, locking in a severe and pained expression that the both of them exchanged. Yugi's breath hitched. He was granted a spot near the priests, which was in itself a great privilege which Atem has pressed on and threatened that he would not marry this woman unless Yugi could witness the ceremony. Yet that didn't mean watching it made it any less difficult. Even if they had agreed upon withstanding this test in their relationship and going through with the council's request nonetheless, it didn't make it any less painful to watch how the man he had fallen in love with, had changed so positively over the months and was finally learning to be happy, pledging his loyalty to a woman that up until now no one even knew of. Even if Atem had kissed his hands after their lovemaking, promising Yugi that he would, no matter what, never come to care more for this woman than for him, it didn't make it any more bearable. He remembered so vividly how Atem had come to tell them after sharing another night of passion that he was obliged to marry in order to reproduce, to ensure an heir, and Yugi had understood after crying his lungs out and being hushed by the oh so comforting whispers and touches of his pharaoh.

It didn't hurt any less.

A marriage ceremony in ancient Egypt was never a big fuzz, unless of course it was their King's. Then the entire village celebrated at the city centre while the palace itself held a festivity and invited nobility and kings and queens from different kingdoms. They feasted by candlelight, indulging in wine and laughter, perhaps a dance or two, while many guests offered their welfare to the pharaoh and presented his wife with a gift of wealth.

Atem glanced left and watched in silence as his 'wife' seemed to enjoy herself. It briefly crossed his mind that he couldn't even remember her name, but didn't care long enough to try and come up with it. Instead, his half-lidded eyes searched the room for violet which he could not find. Yugi was supposed to run the night with the other slaves and provide their guests with food and beverages, so whenever he did see him it was but for the shortest of intervals. It made his head hang low and he sighed deeply, a visible frown on his face that occurred in deep thoughts, paying the rest of the gifts no attention, nor his wife. Even if she was beautiful, and she most definitely was, a skin paler than most Egyptians but yet not as pale as Yugi's, hair fairer than most and yet not as blonde as Yugi's, and eyes dark blue and thus, uniquer than most and yet not as unique as Yugi's. No, even if she was this beautiful, Atem could not describe the shallowness her beauty left in his heart, having no meaning to it whatsoever if the only person he had ever come to love was his little one, his lover, his angel, his light. The woman was but an empty shell of beauty, hollow on the inside, having taken Atem's hand into marriage because he was wealthy and important. There was no love, not that marriage often spoke of love in ancient Egypt, at least not in the royal bloodline. Yet Atem couldn't help but be bothered by it.

"More wine, my pharaoh?"

Atem turned his head, laying eyes on the pale skin he had come to idolize. The boy knelt in front of him, his head lowered as to avoid eye-contact like any other slave would do, the carafe of wine held in front of him as if offering it to the pharaoh. Atem's nose pinched at the display, revolted by the level of obedience Yugi had to lower himself to by the means of tradition. But he could not display this repulse, it was what they had promised each other before Atem took this woman in marriage. As soon as Atem would get her pregnant, he'd have an heir, and then he would not require the woman any more in his contact. He'd forget she ever existed and move on with his life, together with Yugi, like they had envisioned it.

But still he frowned in pain when Yugi began pouring the wine in his cup, avoiding any means of eye contact, obviously struggling with it though, to continue his round and ask his now newly-recruited wife the same thing. How Yugi wished to topple over the carafe and pour the entire liquid on her wedding-dress.

Atem and Yugi had promised something else as well. Atem had asked, or rather begged him to stay when he would bed his wife for the first time. The idea was repulsive and sickening, but Yugi understood the sincerity behind Atem's proposition upon explaining himself. He wished for Yugi to stay in the room, hide behind the shade of a small corner in the bedroom that was seperated by colouring veils, so that he could watch for himself that the sex meant nothing. So that he could lurk from behind the curtains and watch as Atem slept with this woman, only to watch each other longingly and pretend that it was him he was holding and touching. Yugi hadn't wholeheartedly agreed to the terms, but found by the pleading and excruciating expression on Atem's face that this was a bigger deal than he understood, so eventually complied.

That was why he was sitting in that corner, behind the veils right now, waiting, worrying, scared and hurt. He had to wait for his lover, the man that meant the entire world to him, to enter their bedroom and woo his newly-wedded wife in their bed and defile it with a love so forced and impure it made Yugi want to vomit. He was worried to say the least, wished for the love of Ra to hurry and run out of that room before it was too late, but his eyes widened when he heard the door open and footsteps cladding over the polished floor. He trembled and yet didn't move a muscle, frozen to his seat and grabbing the pillows circled around him tighter when hearing the musing of that woman and the low, steady clearing of his lover's throat. Why had he agreed to this?

She was giggling and teasing him, wrapped her arms around his waist and coaxed him into kissing her, but Atem did not oblige. Yugi could make that much out from behind the veils, being slightly transparent as they were. He felt a moment of pride when Atem wasn't lured by her enticement and instead remained collected, a visible tightening of his lips that he rolled inside to express his insecurity over the entire situation. The woman annoyed him to a level that he had not anticipated, and yet again he couldn't blame her for trying to woo her husband in bed. It was after all, only a natural thing to do after you just got married.

But Atem felt nothing towards her. Even if she stepped back, figuring seducing her pharaoh would be more difficult than anticipated, and began undressing herself sensually, revealing her roundings and curves that matched her beauty equally, Atem could only stare in front of him with locked lips. Even while she lied down on the bed and curled her finger to ask him to join her, he only felt betrayal for having to defile what was his and Yugi's nest of lovemaking.

Hesitantly, he walked forth and crawled on top of her naked form, locking eyes with the woman but there was no lust burning in them, and she could not help but be disappointed by it. He merely gazed at her, almost repulsed by her, and he could sense the discomfort growing in her movements and making her breath unevenly. Atem rolled her over and lifted his own robe, not taking the liberty to fully undress himself but enough to do the act.

Upon glancing sideways, Atem found that he was having difficulty breathing. He could only slightly determine the fine figure of his lover sitting crawled up together behind the veils, but he could tell the hurt and disdain in his position while having to watch the man he loved sleep with someone else. Suddenly, he wasn't so sure about his idea anymore. Suddenly, he panicked slightly and swallowed hard while looking down at the woman below him. Her body was stiff and uncomfortable and she could not see the face Yami made as she was lying on her stomach, simply waiting for the pharaoh to move. There was one problem. He wasn't hard.

Atem snarled impatiently, the sound startling the woman. He lunged at his manhood, trying to pleasure himself in the act but the mere sight of the person below him could not help him concentrate with the act. Everything about their lovemaking was forced and held no spark of passion nor lust whatsoever. How was he supposed to fuck someone if he didn't even feel attracted toward them? How was he supposed to make love to someone if the only person he loved was sitting only a few steps away from him, crying and sobbing over the fact that it was not him he shared this moment with?

His wife noticed the desperation in her husbands frantic movements. Something was wrong but she could not tell what. As she tried to spin around, addressing her husband about it, the only answer she received was a bellowed groan.

"Shut up," he snarled back and pulled, almost maniacally at his private but nothing seemed to do the trick. Now that he thought of it, how long had it been since he had been with a woman?

Atem glanced back at the veils, and his movement halted in their suddenness, freezing at the very moment when locking eyes with violet ones, trampled by a fear and also love so painful it made his heart cringe. He breathed heavily, his eyes shaking while making eye-contact with the boy, reading his expressions of sorrow and yet also understanding, whispering to him with only a look of his eyes that it was okay, that he had to do this, that this was for them so they could move on after. A weak smile was shown on Yugi's face to convince him of his determination, and Yami took it as a message of acceptance. Tired, he turned his gaze from his secret lover, returning his focus back on the woman in front of him. In the little time that had shared these emotions with Yugi, he had managed to feel some kind of anticipation and tried hard to imagine it was someone else he was supposed to bed tonight. Closing his eyes, Atem breathed in and out with long strides, feeling slightly how he got aroused by the images of fantasy he provided for himself, forgetting about his surroundings. He crawled over her, positioned what was only a half-erect member near his wife, and ever so hesitantly slicked himself inside. He heard how she huffed, concentrating herself on the pleasure she was supposed to feel, or so was the story of making love, but tensed at the sudden intrusion and could not feel anything leaning towards indulgence.

Yugi watched at what seemed to be a first successful start of intercourse, but looked away soon after. He hid his face between his knees, biting away the salty tears that dared to roll off his cheeks. He heard continuous, aggressive slapping of flesh against flesh behind him, and the cries and moans of a woman that sounded forlorn in the situation she was in now. Atem was obviously trying hard to get this over and done with as quickly as possible, but this created a situation of extreme discomfort that Yugi not wished upon that woman, even if he hated her with every fibre in his bone. All Yugi could do now was pray that this moment would soon be over, and hope that he never had to do it again.

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